Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
