If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
