I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
