I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
