So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
