I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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