If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
