I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
