The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
