I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
