just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
