1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
