I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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