I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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