I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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