i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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