If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
