Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
