Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
