The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize