I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
