There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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