You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
