shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
