That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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