evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
