Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
