Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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