Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
