Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sarcasm needs its own font
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
