so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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