everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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