If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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