using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
