You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Found the puke drawer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize