apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
