Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In America we eat man semen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
