Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
