im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
