Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
