please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
