New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
