It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
