I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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