so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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