I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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