Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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