paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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