somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize