ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
