a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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