I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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