Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize