worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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