We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
