My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
