So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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