Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
