So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
