the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
