I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I understand Curling. That high.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize