so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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