Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
